By: Kelly Byrley
Proverbs 15:28 The heart of the righteous studieth to answer: but the mouth of the wicked poureth out evil things.
I love defining terms when I’m studying my Bible! I use both Strong's Concordance and the Webster’s 1828 Dictionary. Digging into the definitions of a word can provide a deeper meaning to what appears on the surface. Let’s look at just some of the definitions in the Strong’s Concordance for several of the words in Proverbs 15:28:
• Heart - heart, feelings, will, intellect
• Righteous – just, lawful
• Studieth – muse, meditate, ponder
• Answer – to respond
• Mouth – side, according to
• Wicked – wrong, ungodly
• Poureth – to gush forth, utter abundantly, to belch out, to emit a foul odor
• Evil - adversity, affliction, bad, calamity, displeasure, distress, grievous, harm, heavy, hurtful, ill favoured, mischief, misery, naughty, noisome, sad, sore, sorrow, trouble, vexation, wretchedness, wrong
When we read that verse on the surface, it may appear to refer to the saved versus the unsaved since it mentions the righteous and the wicked. However, once we define the terms, we see that it’s simply referring to those who do right versus those who do wrong. I don’t know about you, but I still do wrong even though I’m saved. That means I can apply this verse to myself to determine if I am right or wrong in a conversation. A just (or right) person listens and takes time to think before they speak and a wrong person immediately spews out their point of view in an abundance of words full of distress, harm, and heaviness.
I had to ask myself: In unpleasant conversations, do I respond or do I react?
I am ashamed of my answer because I am guilty of reacting far more than I would like to admit. I can attempt to justify myself by focusing on the other person’s wrong tone, words, behavior, timing, etc. Maybe they were completely wrong, but God’s Word is clear. I am still wrong when I react instead of respond.
Thankfully, my Saviour is gracious and not only forgives me when I ask, but He also shows me how to change my sinful behavior.
To find out how we can train ourselves to respond instead of react, let’s look at the definition of “study” in the Webster’s 1828 Dictionary. It says in part:
• Application of mind…to any subject for the purpose of learning what is not before known
• Attention; meditation
• To fix the mind closely upon a subject; to dwell upon in thought
• To endeavor diligently
• To read and examine for the purpose of learning and understanding; to study languages (I can’t help but think of love languages here)
• To consider attentively
This means that we need to use our heart (our will) to force ourselves to learn what the other person is really saying. To do that, we must be actively listening.
Many of us think we are listening, but in reality, we are thinking about our response or we talk over the other person. We need to give them our full attention, making every effort to understand what they are trying to communicate.
(Side note: studying the love languages can come into play here if you’re familiar with that concept.) Once we have truly listened and tried to understand, we need to take the time to form an appropriate response that is soft,(Proverbs 15:1), without pride, and puts their feelings above our own (Philippians 2:3). How many conversations would go better if we always responded that way?
We can see this thought process reiterated in II Thessalonians 4:11 which says, “And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you;” In the Strong’s Concordance, we find that the “study” in this verse is a different word with a different definition than the word “study” in Proverbs 15:28:
• Study - to love or seek after honor; labor, strive, study; eager or earnest to do something
• Quiet - cease, hold peace, be quiet, rest, keep still; refrain from labor, meddlesomeness or speech
• Work - to search, examine; commit, do, labor for, minister about
Do I love this person? Am I trying to honor them to the best of my ability? Am I holding back what I want to say, quietly listening, and avoiding anything that would inflame the conversation? Am I committed to working hard to figure out and understand their point of view? Am I ministering to them with my words?
Studying to answer, responding instead of reacting, and studying to be quiet are not natural responses for our flesh. We cannot do this in our own strength. God clearly shows us that His thoughts and ways are higher than ours.
Isaiah 55:8-9 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
We cannot trust our own thoughts and ways. We need to strive to do things His way with His mind and His love, and we need His help to do that. We must let the Lord direct our mind, our responses, and our way of doing things.
Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”
Many times we think we are doing alright if we simply react poorly instead of responding properly, but we are faithful and right in the other areas of our lives. We don’t always view our wrong reactions as a serious sin problem, but they are.
Proverbs 16:25 ”There is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.”
Doing things our way can bring death and destruction to ourselves and our relationships with others. Many relationships, and even people, have been damaged beyond repair by one or more parties’ wrong reactions. Only the Lord can direct our paths, discipline our minds, restrain our tongues, and control our reactions. We need to rely on Him for these things and stop trying to live, speak, and act however we feel in the moment.
Noah Webster said, “Study, thyself; what rank or what degree thy wise Creator has ordained for thee.” Sometimes we give ourselves, our thoughts, and our feelings a little too much credit. We need to learn to esteem others better than ourselves.
Romans 12:3 “For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.”
Noah Webster also said, “Study gives strength to the mind; conversation, grace.” Studying before we answer allows us to bring grace into the conversation.
Proverbs 18:21 “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.”
Do I want to bring death or life with my tongue? Studying to answer can make all the difference!